| Heeeeey! |
[Feb. 4th, 2008|08:49 pm] |
Updating for the first time in...
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Last updated 143 weeks ago
Wooooo! Welcome back!!! Wooooo!
Bye...! |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 4th, 2005|02:02 pm] |
Update-o-rama! Hmm, well I figured I would update being that it's been months since the last one. Life has been better than swell, I had a week of visiting Fremd and all it's wonderful inhabitants. And since I'm sure a couple people will stumble upon this page, wondering who's LJ this is, it is the LiveJournal of Ryan D Dolan of Hoffman Estates, Illinois. I hate it when I stumble upon an LJ and the person's name is nowhere to be found, so there you go.
I am not addicted to MySpace, but I will probably only update stuff there, or maybe I'll update both, who knows! So exciting, eh! A girl I met in Mexico said ja ja all the time, so I'm joining her in using this phrase everywhere. Ja ja, my MySpace page is http://www.myspace.com/beatpeacecamera so visit that and sign up, you can have a MySpace and not be addicted, it is possible ladies!
So this LJ will probably never be written in again, I'm going to leave it up because I wrote in it for two years or so, so if anyone ever wants to read what I was thinking two years ago, you're welcome to it. So yes, this is the official burial of my LJ and these are probably the last words I'll write in it. And since the beginning of the last sentence there has only been one word in my head to end it with. Kablamooo! |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 26th, 2005|02:16 am] |
Craziest. Night. Evar.
Dance Party, with significant lack of me dancing. Incredibly fun times none-the-less. Apartment party. 41 people, with more in their way. Very small apartment. Edward Fourtyhands. Lots of awesome people. Cops. Remain somewhat calm thanks to the witty commentary of Mike Nauer. Lots of cops. Tom Giaimo's. A ridiculously drunk Bateman. Hits his head and falls down stairs. High-larious. Apartment party begins again after cops leave. Felipe rocks. Go to Denny's with Nick and a Bateman that can't talk. Rachel rocks so much. Everyone in our section laughs at the drunk Bateman, who spends the entire time moaning, moving in weird ways repetitively, making out with the wall, putting various things in his mouth. Kevin not being able to speak english, so me and Nick resorted to saying words such as OK? and Puke? and wait for a nod or a grunt. More people laugh. Nick and I have rocking conversations. We manage Kevin to the car, only to see Felipe and crew just arriving. We exchange words. Kevin remains motionless the entire ride home. I decide to not run a yellow light. Turns out there's a cop in the turn lane. Me and Nick carry Kevin into Nick's basement. He grunts accordingly. Home. |
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| Whining. Long long whining. Haters-of-whine please ignore. Others allowed. But only with a password. |
[Jan. 6th, 2005|11:32 pm] |
| [ | How's That Spirit? |
| | Read below. | ] |
| [ | What's That Noise? |
| | Murder By Death, probably not helping the situation =( | ] |
I haven't updated this in a fucking long time, wow. Sweet. I'm presented with a problem, and if by some miracle someone is reading this tonight, and you bless me with some advice, my heart will be forever yours. I've spent all this week working on college applications. And yes, this is in addition to the two weeks I spent doing nothing but college applications before I left for NOLS. I could go into huge details on everything, but I won't. If you want to hear about that, ask me, and then be prepared for an incredibly long, boring story that you may want to stop half way through. Anyways, back to my problem. I've spent nearly all week doing this stuff, mostly taking the essays I wrote last fall and re-editing them together into one, cohesive story of my life. I didn't consider this undertaking too much when I began it, and now I still have to type up my entire NOLS experience as well as the past few weeks, as well as go back and read through the whole thing and do a lot of minor editing, not a minor undertakign when you're dealing with what may end up as 10 pages of straight text.
Then, I had a whole mess of ideas to do in my college application, like putting together a kind of auto-photo-biography to go along with the story. Then there's a million other tiny things I need to work out regarding these applications. And I was supposed to send them out tommorow, as the deadline is January 15th. Then there's the whole issue of dealing with the school reports and teacher recommendations that won't be ready until next Tuesday, aka the 11th of January.
Finally.. my question. What the fuck? What the fuck am I doing? I saw JJ today, and he was going sledding, and when I told him I had to college stuff, he told me I was working way too hard. Am I? What can I do? What should I do?
Sincerely yours, a troubled and confused and tired and slightly saddened Mr. Dolan. |
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| My Last Post For Quite Some Time Gents And Ladies |
[Aug. 25th, 2004|12:56 am] |
| [ | How's That Spirit? |
| | Satisfied with everything, yet | ] |
| [ | What's That Noise? |
| | Rice, Damien - Cold Water - Winamp | ] |
As the subject says, this will be my last post for quite a long time. As everyone knows, I'm leaving tommorow morning at 8:30 for a three-month backpacking trip. It's just starting to set in too. Weird. Man, is it weird. My emotional side from my mom is going insane and if I just acted on that I'd cry so much. But my dad's logical side is just telling it to shut the hell up and that it's stupid. And lord knows I'm not one to stand for name calling. So I put my logical side in the corner and I nearly teared up. It'll probably happen again tomorrow when my mom cries. Even my logical side can't stand seeing tears.
*sigh*. What's left to write? I've probably told all of you about this so many times. Well, to all my friends: I don't get sappy or corny often, but you guys (meant sexually neutral, not discriminating against 'vachinas') are seriously so fucking cool. Keep rocking on this year, and winter break is going to be the best time of my life. Well, I suppose I should be getting rest before I wake up for school tomorrow. I'll miss all you dudes. Bye!!
Oh, and P to the S, I decided to post my college essays below, in case you're bored and want to read through them. Bye again gents, I'll see you when the snow falls. Love you all. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 25th, 2004|12:55 am] |
| [ | What's That Noise? |
| | Matchbox Twenty - Hang | ] |
Why St. Johns College and Formal Education - 1
For nearly all of my life, Ive been piecing together a puzzle. Now Im not sure how big the puzzle is, how many pieces there are, or even what itll look like when its done. But I do know that, since Ive been born, thats what Ive been doing, and am likely to continue doing until death. But recently, I found myself with what appeared to be a St. Johns puzzle piece, and it seemed to fit perfectly in the space I had ready for college. But one of the things I needed to do before putting that piece in its place was apply, and so far, it hasnt been that tough. But recently, I stumbled upon the essays, which basically asked me to explain various pieces of my puzzle so far, and one of them even asked me to explain my entire puzzle! Well, as I explained earlier, Im still not sure how all the pieces fit together, let alone the shape of the puzzle. But just as I see St. Johns as the perfect fit, I see that I need to try my best to explain my puzzle and its various pieces. Because if I fail at that, and you dont see the same puzzle I do, well then Ill be in all sorts of trouble. So, to start with, Ill explain the pieces that have been my formal education up to this point. From there, well see where the wind takes me.
From kindergarten all the way up through 4th grade, school was the highlight of my day. I got straight As, and I never once doubted the value of my education. Then, in 4th grade, I took a series of tests which measured my intelligence. As it turns out, I was smart. So, my mom took the proper steps and decided to move me to the smart class, which was at another school. Although she had all the best intentions, my world was thrown upside down. I had to start over both socially and academically. And of course, my teachers in both 5th and 6th grade were terrible and, despite getting four times the workload, expected me to perform brilliantly. And to add to that, my new group of friends were all fairly lazy and didnt do much work. So, to say the least, I did not do well during those years.
Then junior high came along and again, I was thrown out of place both socially and academically. I made some new friends, and this time they did work at school, but they got me into a new hobby, computers. And so, after a year or so I went from working fairly hard to hardly working at all, as I found myself much more entertained by the computer screen than by algebra formulas. And by the end of junior high, it was showing through in my grades, as I was nearly failing several classes.
Then high school came around, and I tested into the advanced classes alongside my friends. By this time, we had grown intelligent enough to see the problems with the schools multiple choice tests and their general process of education. So, in typical juvenile intellectual fashion, we rebelled against the system. We thought that the school was inherently wrong and therefore, evil, killing a childs individuality and forcing us memorize, test and forget. So, during my first two years of high school, I spent more time staring at the computer screen than I did working on school, resulting in mostly Bs with the occasional C.
Then the summer before Junior Year came around, and I realized what I was doing. The schools system of education was flawed, yes, but I realized that I was merely justifying my laziness. I also realized that, while it was a flawed system, it was a system that would determine where I would end up for the following four years. So, in the beginning of my Junior year, I decided that I would work hard in school again, this time accepting nothing less than As. And by the end of the first semester, I had all but met my goal; I had gone from Bs and Cs to almost all As. Then in January, my counselor told me that, with only a few more classes, I could graduate by the end of the year. Although I didnt understand completely why, something told me that I was supposed to do this. And so I replaced a few easy classes with tougher ones, signed up for summer-school, and that was that. I was graduating my Junior year. Despite the extra classes being mostly senior level, I had met my goal by the end of the second semester, finishing out the year with a 4.0 GPA.
So those are the pieces of my formal education to date. And although theyve been important, I think there are other pieces which have played a larger role in determining the shape of my life. Pieces such as the dreams Ive kept to myself for the past several years, as well as the dreams I currently hold for the future. From how I performed in school, to whether I should graduate early, the decisions Ive made can only be understood through these dreams and aspirations. With all that said, we have to go back three years, to when those pieces began falling into place.
I dont think I need to, nor could I, write anything that could properly describe the hideous beast we all come to know as adolescence. But, to say the least, they were awkward years, filled with countless days when the only thought in my head was getting away. And eventually, that desire to leave fleshed out into my dreams. But my dreams seemed to be a tad different than most. Instead of wanting to run off to the circus, my dream was to hop on a train to Los Angeles and sleep on the streets. I could sleep next to the library and read all the classic books, and it would be warm all year round. It was also in line with my educational philosophy, as good grades were not required to live on L.A.s streets. And although it didnt seem to bother me at the time, I do realize how ridiculous the thought of a 15-year-old suburban kid safely sleeping on the streets of L.A. was. But regardless, I kept the idea in my head through my Freshman year.
And with a little maturity, the suburban teenage kid living on the streets of L.A. fantasy died. But from its unrealistic ashes rose a new dream that, while slightly more realistic, was by and large the same thing. By this time it was my Sophomore year, and I had replaced sleeping in L.A.s library with wandering the living, breathing history museum that is the European continent. Throughout the year I would just take that dream and add in whatever hobbies I had; sometimes I had a guitar in my hand, sometimes a journal, other times a camera, etc. But regardless, the picture always remained the same. Wandering the beautiful landscapes of Italy and Spain, the bustling cities of Paris and London, and the ancient history of Greece and Rome. Again, this fit right alongside my attitude towards school, as I didnt need to work hard and go to college if I was going to be living on the streets of Europe. But, by the summer before my Junior year, I did realize that I needed my parents permission before leaving the country. And so, along with a few other realizations, I decided to satisfy my parents demands: I would work hard towards good grades. Despite my parents almost convincing me that I was being unrealistic, and I probably was, I kept the hope alive that if I did what they asked me to, they would eventually agree to let me travel around Europe. I was 16 at the time, and, with the exception of a few resorts, I had never left the suburbs.
So I worked hard at school and, after a semester, I was getting very good grades. It was also around this time that I was informed of my option to graduate a year early. Although most people with no definite reason to graduate early wouldnt even consider the idea, I still had the image of wandering Europe firmly ingrained in my mind. So, with dreams of traveling, and a soul that urged me onward, I decided to graduate early. Now, alongside my parents growing satisfaction with my school work, it seemed as if all the pieces were finally coming together.
Immediately I started making plans to leave for Europe after my graduation, without letting my parents know of course. I would eventually ask them again, but only after I had researched everything and was ready to defend it. I bought Rick Steves Europe Through The Backdoor and read through the whole thing, cover to cover, alongside several other books, preparing myself for their onslaught of questions and criticisms. So, after many hours researching and planning, I confronted my parents about my plans. I had decided that I would buy a Eurail pass, deposit some money in an ATM, look up all hostels I would stay at, and go from there. Although against the idea of me traveling in general, they had noticed how seriously I had taken this. And when they put my grades and hard work into consideration, they told me they would think about it.
One thing they were still planning on doing was emailing my Aunt Laurie, as she had done the same thing after college and was now married and living in Switzerland. A few days after we had sent the email, we got a rather surprising response. We were told of a Europe where large, brutish men from the former Soviet countries stood on every street corner, beating up and/or killing anyone who spoke English. While obviously questionable, my parents used it as evidence that it wasnt safe for me to travel by myself, at least not until I was 18. So I decided to lay the dream to rest for the time being.
But being romantically inclined as I was, I still kept dreaming. Although my parents had been against Europe, I figured backpacking was still an option. So I decided to switch a few countries around, and I went from backpacking across Europe to backpacking across America. This way, I could spend my free year learning to backpack, and then when I turned 18, I could go to Europe. Again, it felt like the pieces were falling in place. So I bought a few more books, including The Complete Walker IV, by Colin Fletcher and Chip Rawlins, and read them cover to cover. After a thousand or so pages, I knew that I could not tackle the backcountry on my own. Although my romantic side kept telling me to just run into the woods and try living off the land, my logical side, which was now much more developed, told me that I wouldnt make it. I had never even gone camping, let alone had to kill something to eat. So, aside from occasionally browsing a few internet communities, I put the dream on the backburner, concentrating on finishing my last semester and graduating early.
Amazingly, a good friend of mine came to me around this time and told me about the National Outdoor Leadership School, or NOLS. After a bit of research, I realized that it was exactly what I was looking for. You backpack with a group of 15 other people through the Rocky Mountains, with two instructors guiding you. You learn how to backpack, cook, fish, and pretty much everything else I wanted to learn. And thats only for the first month, as the following two months are spent in Southern Utah and Northern Arizona. There you learn how to live in a desert environment, go rafting, kayaking, canoeing, rock climbing, etc. And so, after a few days of research, I decided to sign up for their fall semester.
This made me incredibly excited, as I was finally actively pursuing my dreams, and it also helped me realize that I had an entire year to pursue whatever I wanted. And although I was incredibly happy to be acting on my dream of backpacking, I still had one other dream that I wanted to pursue before college: traveling. But I wasnt interested in Europe anymore, as I had found myself captivated by yet another destination: Asia. Although a book would soon convince me of my ultimate destination, India, I still didnt completely understand why I wanted to go to Asia. Although Asian cultures had always interested me, the biggest reason was probably that the thought of traveling through Asia set off the same feeling in my soul that had gone through all of my other dreams. But, as I researched travel programs more and more, I discovered that they didnt suit me. They were either too expensive or too focused on specifics, such as only language immersion or volunteer work. I did want to learn languages and do volunteer work, but I wanted to learn about their cultures first and foremost, and I couldnt find any groups to assist me in that endeavor. So I decided to just work full-time for the rest of the year, and save up for my travels. This would also afford me some time to start reading again, as well as learn languages and further research my individual travel plans.
So, I hope you understand my dilemma a little better after reading all that, as I still cant see the exact shape my life is taking. But, I do understand what Ive gone through, and where I intend to go, so take that for what its worth. And although I was hoping to give you a better understanding of myself and my actions through my dreams, I had another reason as well. When I first visited St. Johns, I had some ideas about what I was going to find there. And, for the most part, the school met and exceeded my expectations. Its an extremely intellectual environment where the goal of the school isnt to give its students textbooks, tests, and a diploma, but to develop them into well-rounded people.
What I hadnt expected to find, the thing that amazed me more than any curriculum guide, was the students I found attending the school. There was one student there who I truly connected with, and his name was Mr. Wilson. After talking to him for only a few hours, I knew where I wanted to be for the next four years of my life. He told me about his trip to Israel, and how he took the extra money and bought a ticket to Italy, living on the streets for several weeks, and eventually getting to Greece by way of a traveling circus. He told me about his experiences teaching himself Russian in his spare time, and his new goal of traveling to Kazakhstan and wandering alongside the nomadic tribes. He talked about how much he loved to read, and how he couldnt wait until he got to read all the Russian novels for school, especially War and Peace. And, as I listened to this, for the first time in my entire life, I didnt feel alone spiritually. Those dreams I listed above, Ive never met anyone else who would have thought them even the least bit sane. Until I went to St. Johns. As I sat there listening to the students, I realized that those dreams were more than just immature teenage fantasies. Sure they were naive and unrealistic, but they represented something much deeper. Those dreams represented my desire to break free of my circumstances and do something great with my life.
At first I thought Mr. Wilson was the exception, but several other students confirmed that he wasnt. Although I had anticipated that St. Johns students would be bound together by a genuine love of knowledge, I was still expecting somewhat typical college students. What I found simply sealed the deal for me. Yes, St. Johns students are bound together by a love of knowledge, but they are also fascinating, well-traveled, and mature individuals, who are just as easily moved by life and its endless potential as by the pages of a book. If those students are truly representative of the college as a whole, I cannot think of any other place Id rather be.
Mr. Wilson also told me that the typical person at St. Johns is someone whos gone through several schools and ended up there, usually for the reasons mentioned above. All I can say is that I hope I dont have to go through several schools before ending up at St. Johns. If not because of the curriculum and the people, then because my soul is telling me that this is where I need to be. And judging by my current satisfaction with my life, trusting my soul is something I intend to do. For the first time, all the pieces of my life seem to be forming a complete picture, and as of today, Im certain of one thing. There is no question of where I want to go to college. As far as Im concerned, St. Johns is the perfect fit for me. With all that said, St. Johns is the only place I want to be for the next four years of my life.
Reading Habits and One Specific Aspect of a Book - 2
Every since I was a little boy, I have loved to read. In fourth grade, several tests told me I had the reading comprehension ability of an 11th grader. I wasnt sure what that meant, or if it was accurate, but I did know that I loved to read. I especially loved science fiction, and had a whole collection of Star Wars books I had gone through. I also loved the classics, Journey to the Center of the Earth, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, Adventures of Tom Sawyer, Sherlock Holmes, Dracula, etc. And then, over a period of about two years, I went from reading a different book everyday to not reading at all.
The biggest reason, I suppose, was the program at my new school, Accelerated Reader. This program gave me a very small selection of books to choose from and made me read a new book every week. Of course these books were typical 5th grade fare, Hardy Boys-style adventures or otherwise. Not my type of books to say the least. And because no good teacher ever trusts his students, I had to take a test on every book I read. Of course, I wasnt allowed to bring in my own books, I had to read what my classmates were reading. I cant imagine a better way to kill a childs love for reading then to make him read books he doesnt like, test him on every book he does read because you dont trust him, and repeat the cycle constantly throughout four of the most important years of his education.
So, by the time junior high came along, I was hardly reading any of my own books. In fact, by the time Id graduate junior high, I would drop reading as a hobby altogether. Although the AR program was still active, there were plenty of other reasons this time around. Part of it was that, due to circumstances beyond my control, I found myself in a new group of friends. This group could very easily fall under the category of lazy intellectuals. None of them worked very hard at school, they played computer games for most of the day. And not wanting to be left out, I did too. The other major reason was that both my English teachers, in 7th and 8th grade, were terrible, and they made the Accelerated Reader program the centerpiece of my education. So, partly to spite them, partly because my motivation to read was almost completely gone, I stopped reading AR books. Of course, the extra time this afforded me was not used to take back reading as a hobby, because I had a new one to replace it: computers.
So through my first two years in high school, I didnt read much. But summer before Junior year came along, and I realized how I had been using my intellect to justify laziness. So I decided not only to work hard in school, but to pick up reading again as a hobby. It was also during this time that me and my friends decided that we were going to quit computers entirely. And so, aside from occasionally browsing the internet, we quit computer games, instant messenger, and anything else that took up our free time. Of course, I was intent on using this new free time for school and reading, while my friends intended it for social activities. But it was still a general consensus among my friends, we were going to start focusing on what we thought truly mattered in our lives.
It had been many years since I had read a book for pleasure, but I got a copy of the Lord of the Rings and read through it in a few nights. From that point on, I read nearly every night, and although it was still light reading, it was reading none-the-less. Of course very few of my friends read, so I was alone in my hobby, but I still loved it. In fact, when I did go on the computer, it was usually to browse Amazon.com and find more books to add to my wishlist. So, during my Junior year I read many books, and this summer I was planning on getting back to some tougher reading. But due to several reasons, summer school, NOLS, and colleges, to name just a few, Ive been unable to this summer. So, as of right now, Im planning on getting back into reading heavily next winter. I have a list of books I intend to read, and Ive included it as a supplement here.
When I was ready to leave for college visits this summer, I realized I would finally have some free time to read again. I decided to bring only one book, but I wanted it to be something with substance. After some careful consideration, I chose The Worlds Religions by Huston Smith. I had always been extremely interested in religions, and I figured a book on religions might make me look slightly intellectual while walking around college campuses, so I brought it. While on the plane I read it quite a bit, and by the time I got home the following week, I had finished the section on Hinduism. But as I was mostly driving during the second week, and I was a bad enough driver when I wasnt reading, I didnt progress much further. That is, until I got to Antioch college.
I was planning on staying there for two nights, so I figured Id talk to some students. The first night I wandered around, eventually finding the requisite coffee shop, and found some people to chat with. Every single person I talked to told me about how terrible the school was, so the second night I figured Id just get a good nights sleep. I laid in my bed for an hour, trying to fall asleep, but for some strange reason I couldnt. Finally I sat up, and decided Id do something else to pass the time. So I looked through my backpack and the first thing I saw was Huston Smith and his book. I figured I could get some reading done, and maybe it would calm me down enough to sleep. So I went out into the commons area, and started reading through the section on Buddhism. The first few chapters of Buddhism focused on the life of the Buddha, or Siddhartha Gautama. It went through his life as a prince, having everything the material world could offer him and more. Then it told of how, unsatisfied with that life, he escaped into the wilderness to search for answers. Through his six year spiritual journey, he sought out the top Hindu leaders of the day, and found into nearly every religious sect, until finally he decided to meditate on his own. Eventually, after many days of meditating, he reached enlightenment and became Buddha, or the enlightened one.
After 50 or so pages, I stopped and had a spiritual revelation. I felt I had made a deep connection to both the Buddhas life as well as his teachings, the same connection I would later feel towards Jesus. Through reading those chapters on Buddha, I had gained some sense of purpose to my life. It was then I felt I had decided one of my lifes goals. I wanted to make a journey similar to the one Buddha had made, through India as well as the Middle East. Over the next week, I would think about it often. When driving on the highway, as well as when I was being given tours of a college, or even during interviews. I couldnt get the thought out of my head. Although very similar to the dreams I had had throughout high school, this had a much larger sense of purpose and urgency. I suppose theres not much left I can say, as a lot of the thoughts and feelings I had are incredibly difficult to put into words.
But I hope you understand that, while this may not have been the type of response the question called for, its the most significant thing to happen in my life in several months, and to be born out of a book made it the perfect answer for me. I had just started reading again as a hobby last fall; and although I had read many books throughout the year, most of them had been very insubstantial, due mostly to serious concentration on academics and other aspects of my life. And although I intended to start reading more significant books this summer, my free time has been rather sparse. So if this question was asked six months from now, it would receive a much different response. But as for now, my lifes purpose is the best thing Ive gotten out of any book.
An Exceptional Experience - 3
As youve probably learned, I made the decision to graduate early, rather, on-the-fly. Although I made the decision in January, it would be several months until I would learn what that decision entailed. At first it wasnt tough, as all I had to do was take a few extra classes. So I took those, and finished the year out. But when the summer began, I was lost. Although all my friends were still in school, I wasnt. So I spent my time on the computer investigating what I could do with my extra year. It was around that time that a good friend of mine recommended I look into a program called NOLS, the National Outdoor Leadership School. As I would find out, it was an outdoors program that taught you a ton of outdoors skill through a three-month long backpacking expedition in Rocky Mountains. They taught you how to live outdoors in both mountain and desert terrain, how to raft, kayak, canoe, and rock climb. It sounded perfect for me, so, after a lot of research, I signed up. So my entire fall was planned, and I thought I was doing pretty good for myself after only two weeks of summer.
Then my dad pointed out that if I was leaving in August, and not returning until December, Id have to finish college applications before I left. What...? College...? All I knew about college was that there was a big one named U of I. I didnt even know the full name. And so, with absolutely no prior experience or knowledge, and no older family members or friends to turn to, I started researching college on my own. Literally from the beginning, typing college into Google. After countless hours of both online and library research, I worked out a system of web sites and books that I could cross-reference to narrow down the many colleges to the few. So now I had a system, but still I had to figure out what type of college I was looking for, as well as what colleges I could get into. Although I alienated my friends a bit, I resisted temptation and spent most of my free time researching and thinking about colleges.
After a month or so, I had gone from U of I to a list of about 30 colleges I was interested in. It mostly consisted of small liberal arts colleges, but it also contained several universities and larger colleges. It was incredibly difficult, both the process itself and the knowledge that no one would truly appreciate how much effort it took. But I had done it, alongside finishing summer school, which meant I was a high-school graduate.
So I was done with High-School, it was mid-July, and I had already decided that I was going to visit these schools before I applied. So I decided to set aside two weeks for college visits, one week on the west coast with my parents and one week in the Midwest by myself. Of course, what I thought would be the easiest part of the tour, arranging it, actually turned out to be the most difficult. I found out that you dont just visit the college; you tour the college, you go to an information session about the college, and, of course, you interview with the person whos going to be reading your application, to talk about the college. Oh, and every college has different times for these various visiting activities. And not only do you have to find out these times on your own, you have to call each individual college and let them know your plans. Very easy tasks when youre concerned with a mere eight colleges, in four different time zones, during the summer, when theyre not in session, and when office hours seem to vary with weather conditions.
Also, there was the fact that I couldnt just leave to tour the Midwest without first scheduling every detail; not just because Im an organized person, nor because of the above college requirements, but because Im only 17, I was going alone, and I didnt own a credit card. So that meant I had to call ahead to each hotel Id be staying at and give them my parents credit card number, as well research each hotel for my parents to make sure theyre trustworthy. But eventually I was ready, and I left for the west coast with my parents. The week went by rather fast, and I came home for a two day vacation before leaving for another week. This time it would be the Midwest, and I was by myself. Although driving for several hours at a time wasnt the most enjoyable thing, being completely on my own for an entire week was a very enlightening experience. And when I returned home, it was August, and I had just under three weeks before I left for NOLS.
In those three short weeks, I had to physically prepare for NOLS with two hours of daily exercise, including running 3 miles a day. Then I had to prepare all my forms and research, including all the equipment I needed for the trek. Of course the equipment list was 10 pages of small text, as well as going out and buying items from various stores scattered around the state. I also had to go from not understanding the college application process at all, to having my applications in the mail.
To my dismay, I learned that the application process was not just a series of short forms asking for your name, address and GPA. You had to apply to each individual college, and each had their own, distinct forms as well as requirements on what you had to send in. Many included long essays, as many as three teacher recommendations, a recommendation from my counselor, and several other delightful surprises. And being that it was between the end of summer school and the beginning of the school year, I had no way of getting a hold of either my counselor nor any of my teachers. As for the universities, I had to know specifically which school Id be applying to (Universities have individual schools, what?) and have a general idea of what Im majoring in, and of course the different schools had different admission policies. Then theres that love of essays which seems to be the only common thread binding together every liberal arts admission office in the country.
This may not seem that overwhelming now, but as youre being assaulted with all this information at once, alongside everything else in your life, the picture seems tremendously bewildering and almost impossibly complex. And to add to all the perceived chaos, I made yet another enchanting personal discovery.
When I was a young boy, I was picked on quite a bit by other kids. And although I was very upset, I still wanted them to like me, so I unconsciously started acting like I wasnt angry around them. So all the way through high-school, regardless of whatever emotions I felt at the time, I went into social situations and became happy. Although it started out as unconscious acting, eventually I just grew to enjoy being social, as it brought on a genuine happiness. And eventually I did grow out of my pessimism, and happiness and optimism sunk in as part of my personality. But this habit had left me with one unanticipated side-effect: I had made continuous social contact a central pillar for my optimism. And so, whenever I would take myself out of social situations completely, I would start getting extremely pessimistic and depressed. And of course, I was alone often: during those countless hours of researching and visiting colleges, eating and sleeping alone on the road, typing admissions essays in my room all day, etc. So, in addition to all those incredibly stimulating and heart-warming activities, I became depressed. But eventually I began wondering why I became so upset, and now I notice when the pessimism tries to sneak in and put a stop to it.
But here I sit, on the edge of summer, in a rather satisfied and humbled mood. I learned what I needed to about college applications, I hope, Im in the shape of my life, and Ive largely managed to pull depression out of my solitude. Sure, Ive still got a few essays left and a few loose ends to tie up, but this summer Ive learned so much more about myself than I ever could have imagined. Ive gone from having no clue what college I was going to end up at, to having only one college in mind. From gasping for air after one mile to running nearly eight and barely breaking a sweat. From putting everything off until the last second to spending days at a time working on college essays. And perhaps best of all, Ive gone from passively dying to passionately living.
Early Graduation and the Upcoming Year - 4
Although you probably have a pretty good understanding of why I graduated a year early, Ill give you a general summary here anyway. I was presented with the option to graduate early in January, and although I didnt completely understand why at the time, I agreed to it. The first reason I thought of was that, although I was doing very well in school, I knew there were many things I could be doing which would be much more valuable to my growth as a person. Second, nearly all my friends are taking easy classes their senior year and I knew they wouldnt be doing much anyway, so I wouldnt be missing out on much. Third, at the time I made the decision, I was planning on going to Europe over the summer, so it would have allowed me to stay there much longer than the previously planned two months. And lastly, there was something in my soul that urged me to graduate early, the same thing that pushed forward my dreams and passions. So, I listened to my soul, as well as the reasons above, and I graduated high school as a Junior this past July.
So, what am I doing now that Im graduated? I was planning on leaving this year open to pursue my own interests outside of a school setting, but I realized that there had to be some planning involved. Then one of my friends, after hearing about my graduation and my upcoming year, told me about the National Outdoor Leadership School, or NOLS. So I decided to look into it, and I found its program perfectly suited my interests. They teach you how to backpack, camp, fish, cook, etc. In addition to all the basic survival skills for living outdoors, they also teach you how to raft, kayak, canoe, and rock climb. It sounded amazing and it was just the type of thing I had in mind when I chose to graduate early, and so I signed up for their fall semester.
When I get back from NOLS on November 27th, Ill have about a week to settle back into modern life. Then, on December 3rd, I leave for Japan with my dad. Although he was originally going on a business trip, he knew how interested I was in Japanese culture, and so he invited me along. Well be staying in Japan for one week, first in a small, industrial town, and then in Tokyo. After that, Ill be staying home for winter break, relaxing and getting to know all my friends again.
From there, I have two options to consider. One course is to stay at home and get a full-time job with my fathers business, and the other option is to enter St. Johns as a January Freshman. Im leaving in a few days and have been very busy, and as I havent been able to give this the consideration it deserves, Im going to wait until I return from NOLS to make the decision. The full-time job would allow me to starting reading again, as well as learning another language, as of right now, Hindi, and researching my options for after college. Im currently considering the Peace Corps, an organic farming internship and traveling through India. If I choose not to enter as a January Freshman, Ive included a listing of the books I intend to read, which youll find on page -15-.
I consider my early graduation one of the best decisions Ive ever made. In the three months since this summer began, Ive managed to accomplish more than during all three years of high school. Its also forced me to mature more than I ever could have imagined. And to think, all this has happened and the school year hasnt even begun yet. This is going to be a great year. |
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| Interesting... |
[Aug. 22nd, 2004|02:22 pm] |
| [ | How's That Spirit? |
| | Great but Gotta Run! | ] |
I was reading through Southard's Friends and this came up. I don't know if this is true or not, but interesting.
"Last night was the last Fireside Show ever. Brian Peterson (Promoter) and Jim Lapinski (owner) got into an argument and Lapinski pulled the plug on shows. that's all. that's it. it's over. no big last hurrah. no big reunion shows to end it. nothing.
I've been going to the Fireside for ten years (as long as it's been around) and I have a lot of fond memories of the place as do all of us, so let's hope there'll be a speedy jump to a new venue.
go to www.mpshows.com"
So.. we went to the last show ever at the Fireside? Weird.... |
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| Shit. I can't write much. Don't write much! |
[Aug. 16th, 2004|04:20 pm] |
| [ | How's That Spirit? |
| | Great. Eyes hurt, but great. | ] |
Yea this week is going to be tough. I have to finish 5 college essays for the one school I need to send in before I leave, each 1-2 pages. Then I have a few more I'd really like to get done before I leave. I still have to contact one more teacher and my counselor. I have to do a ton of little crap before I leave, which is next Wednesday by the way.
I also have to get really in shape for the trip, so I have to run a lot everyday and do weights. But what exercise can I really do to prepare me for walking all day, everyday, in really thin air with over 60 pounds on my back. But man, am I gonna be buff when I get back. Too bad it'll be winter. Damn. I ran 7 miles today, woo hoo! Advice: Stretch a lot before and after, keep your head looking forward, not down, the whole time, and try and concentrate on thinking about things other than running.
Damn hell ass. I wasted time writing a lot again. That's it, no more LJ this week! Gah.
Oh, but one more slightly serious note. I need to give procrastination the final kick in the ass in order to finish this shit. Seriously, if anyone else out there is a procrastinator, drop the habit as soon as you can. It's a terrible fucking habit and it really really sucks later in life. I'm completely serious about this one, no j/k's or whatever. For most of you, it's your senior year in High School: Get rid of it now. It'll really suck to have for college applications (Who sucks? This guy!) as well as in college. Seriously try and get rid of it this year, that's my only real piece of advice that I want to to give to most people. It sucks! I have a week to do college apps because of it. Bastard. |
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| Hey Hey, Happy Face! |
[Aug. 11th, 2004|03:38 am] |
| [ | How's That Spirit? |
| | Happy as that happy face comment refers to above. | ] |
| [ | What's That Noise? |
| | Beck - Loser - Winamp | ] |
I found out how I'm going to write my essays. When I write my college essays, I write shit so carefully and edit so much I feel like I lose my personal voice. I wanted to write more off the top of my head. So I figure, hey.. when do I write stuff off the top of my head. I could only think of one place, when I used to write poetry in a small journal by hand. But now I realized another.
LiveJournal. I just write shit. That's all I do. And usually, my posts are so long I don't proof read it. I just read it after I post it and look for any major errors then. So here's the plan. I'm going to take my many essay questions, post the question on LJ followed by my answer. If I like it when I read it when it's posted, I'll keep it, and even if I don't I can edit it or take parts of it and write it again. Then I edit it a lot for grammar and stuff and bam, I have a college essay. Bad idea? Probably. But I'm so out of ideas on how to go about this shit, I may as well try. So good night, another long post. Sorry Rohan. And don't post that tl;dr crap. =) |
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| Started short post, now really long. |
[Aug. 11th, 2004|03:24 am] |
| [ | How's That Spirit? |
| | Started dazed and dreamy-eyed | ] |
| [ | What's That Noise? |
| | Beck - Loser - Winamp | ] |
</font>Tonight was a good night. I've been thinking about so much recently, yet tonight was old-fashioned, sitting around and talking fun. If you know me, you know I kind of judge people when I meet them, or at least I get this feeling about them. I guess they could be referred to as vibes. I got some major ones tonight. These weren't ones I got after first meeting the person, these developed as I got to know them. And if you want to, you can ask me about them. But I shall not post them here.
I've figured out a lot in the past two weeks, so fucking much. It's all small shit, but my life is starting to fit together.
I also realized that if I took all the shit I planned to do with my life at one point or another and wrote it down, it'd sound absolutely insane. I started off wanting to live as a bum on the streets of California, then I wanted to travel to Europe, then I wanted to go to college, and then grad school, and now I'm rethinking again. That's just a small small list. And to anyone I know these things may sound absolutely insane. But to me, I can see the common threads weaved in and out of this seemingly incoherent series of ideas. And it's still evolving.
My current idea sounds so insane to talk about. All I ask is that if you have any trust in me as a person, put it in these ideas. I was reading this World's Religions book at a college; I had just read through Hinduism and I began Buddhism. The first thirty pages or so just described Buddha's life.
--Crappy literary part I added but don't want to delete but is not necessary to read--
Have you ever had a truly crazy idea; it seemed to be just another random idea but it stuck out to you for no reason you could understand? But it sticks out. You just think about it and, when you do, it screams to you, when all other thoughts seem to whisper? (eek stepped into cheap literary language there) I had one of those thoughts.
--End crappy literary part I added but don't want to delete but is not necessary to read--
I decided I needed to take a spiritual journey through India. It has one of the oldest surviving cultures in the world, it's the spiritual center of several major religions, and it's a culture entirely different from my own. I realize that those sound like very unconvincing reasons to travel there. I also realized, while writing them, that to try and make them convincing would distract me from my real point, I still don't understand why I had that thought or why I'm going to India. But it's one of those things I just feel in my soul.
Next spring I'm going to learn Hindi and practice it with Mr. Zalani, read about the culture, history, etc. Then I'm going to ask whatever college I'm going to to defer my entrance a year. And I'm going to take a year-long travel to India. I'll be 18 and my parents won't be able to stop me. If I work full-time next spring and save up, I'll be fine for money. I'll be visiting a lot of spiritual places there, and I'm planning on culminating my journey with a visit to Dharamsala, the place where the TIbetan government in exile lives, and meeting with the Dalai Lama.
I figure I'll do this before college because I'm really questioning the usefulness of a college education and I think it'll give me some perspective. Also it'll be a great experience to start my adult life off with.
However insane that sounds, I've trusted my soul so far and it's led me to where I am. If I hadn't trusted my soul and graduated early I would be a completely different person. Honestly, in perspective, in this past summer I've matured a lot because of all the stuff I've had to do, mostly because of early graduation and NOLS. I think my life has a purpose far beyond what I've previously thought. It's a very interesting time in the world, and I think I have a calling. I don't know to what, but my soul tells me so.
I just pooped and came back, and I thought of deleting this whole thing. I'm not. I've got two weeks left starting tommorow. What the fuck, this is who I am. I may not go to India, but I'm on a path and it's leading me somewhere. That's just the step I'm on. The world has so much to offer, I can't stand not wanting more. To end, a quote or two.
A good traveler has no well-defined plan and is not intent on arriving.
-Lao-Tzu
You cannot travel within and stand still without.
-James Allen
In order to write about life, first you must live it!
-Ernest Hemingway
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be.
-Douglas Noel Adams
No man ever followed his genius till it misled him. Though the result were bodily weakness, yet perhaps no one can say that the consequences were to be regretted, for these were a life in conformity to higher principles. If the day and the night are such that you greet them with joy, and life emits a fragrance like flowers and sweet-scented herbs, is more elastic, more starry, more immortal that is your success.
Allons! the road is before us!
It is safe--I have tried it--my own feet have tried it well--be not detain'd!
Let the paper remain on the desk unwritten, and the book on the shelf unopen'd!
Camerado, I give you my hand!
I give you my love more precious than money,
I give you myself before preaching or law;
Will you give me yourself? will you come travel with me?
Shall we stick by each other as long as we live? |
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| Bohlmann!! |
[Aug. 5th, 2004|04:24 pm] |
| [ | How's That Spirit? |
| | Hahah... Saget Wants You.. | ] |
| [ | What's That Noise? |
| | Twisted Sister - Come on Feel the Noise | ] |
If Bohlmann ate volleyballs, he would want her:
But as long as you're with Scott, he'll want you:
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| Again... rofl. |
[Aug. 5th, 2004|04:20 pm] |
| [ | How's That Spirit? |
| | Still great! | ] |
| [ | What's That Noise? |
| | Jimi Hendrix - Fire (Live with Jim Morrison) | ] |
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| Hahah.. this rocks. |
[Aug. 5th, 2004|04:19 pm] |
| [ | How's That Spirit? |
| | Best Ever | ] |
| [ | What's That Noise? |
| | Dashboard Confessional - Turpentine Chaser | ] |
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| Sweet Lord. |
[Jul. 30th, 2004|01:39 am] |
| [ | How's That Spirit? |
| | Fuck you keyboard I'm tired. | ] |
| [ | What's That Noise? |
| | Coldplay | ] |
Sweet lord, I'm home for three and a half weeks. God. I have never looked more fondly at my bed, except when I went through that eery period of bed fetishes. *Shudder*.
So to summarize quickly, and I apologize if I screw up grammar or words, the past few weeks: I've visited 8 college in 5 states in a total of 9 days. Those states include Oregon, California, New Mexico, Indiana and Ohio. I also attended Warped Tour last weekend, which rocked very much. I have a few interesting stories, one of which involves a kitten and a large bag of ether. Oh, and I sat at a red light for about 10 minutes at a street named Russia. Very funny at the time. And I saw a tree that looked exactly like a penis.
But now I'm back. And starting Monday I'm doing daily workouts and eating healthy. And living healthy. Except for one day. That one day, I drink my 30 dollars worth. Going to be a great day. You know what's better though? My bed. Night. |
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| Sweeeeet. |
[Jul. 16th, 2004|03:32 pm] |
| [ | How's That Spirit? |
| | Sooo Happy! | ] |
| [ | What's That Noise? |
| | Eagles - Hotel California | ] |
Hells yeah. I went to check out this backpacking store called REI today, and man, what a great experience. First I found some nice hiking boots, and she recommended I go walk around and talk to people to wear in the boots, so I go talk to some of the employees. Best thing ever.
I decided to chit-chat with the guy who fitted me with a pack, turns out he backpacked through China for 8 months and also Nepal. Talked with him for a while, found another employee, and it turns out she's a NOLS graduate. She went for a month and said it was the absolute best experience of her life. Talked to her for a long while, then another guy came up and talked with us. He was an ex-marine who backpacks regularly and talked about summiting K2 as a cameraman. Turns out that that's the 2nd highest mountain in the world, and one of the trails going to the top was named after the group he went with. As ot turns out, he's the manager and they're having a job fair this Sunday. I asked him about a full-time position next spring, and he said that after my NOLS trip I'm almost guaranteed a job there. Excellent.
So now I'm looking forward to NOLS a lot more, I've found some amazing people to talk with about backpacking, and I'm almost guaranteed a job next spring where all I do is sell people outdoor things. This fucking rocks! Oh, and there's some other buff rastafarian guy who works there that I didn't talk to, so I'm looking forward to his stories. Overall, I'm still feeling weird about the short hair, but my day has been much better. Teehee. |
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| Humm.... =( |
[Jul. 15th, 2004|07:38 pm] |
| [ | How's That Spirit? |
| | Want to stay inside today. | ] |
| [ | What's That Noise? |
| | Sean Lennon - Spaceship | ] |
Yea... I got my hair cut. It's all gone. I feel stupid, but it's the weirdest feeling ever looking in the mirror with short hair. I can't do anything tonight, I have to be up at 9 tommorow and I haven't slept at home since Sunday, so I'm staying in tonight. Damn weird mirrors! |
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| Wee! |
[Jul. 10th, 2004|12:27 pm] |
| [ | How's That Spirit? |
| | Incredibly Happy | ] |
| [ | What's That Noise? |
| | My Brother's Rap Playing In The Shower | ] |
Graduation Party today, my mom's been planning this since I was like born. There's supposed to be 70+ people coming, so this should be a very fun day of running around and saying hi to pretty much every single person who's genes happen to be similiar enough to mine to be called a relative. I'm happy!! Stop by if you guys want, but call me or msg me on my phone if you want food, I need a count. Only like 10-15 of my friends can eat, but beyond that many more can come. Feel free to stop by! |
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| Ahh College! Why must you stress me so! |
[Jun. 30th, 2004|09:22 pm] |
| [ | How's That Spirit? |
| | Great, but eyes hurts from looking at this screen so much. | ] |
| [ | What's That Noise? |
| | Grateful Dead - Casey Jones | ] |
So for about the past two weeks, for those in the dark, I've been working on the issue of college. I have to have all my applications ready and sent by the end of August, because I'll be gone pretty much all the way through Mid-December, and most of my colleges want applications by January. For those who are interested, I've found a few schools I'm very interested in after many longs hours of going through hundreds of colleges. I've been looking into this for the past three weeks and beyond, I'm entitled to at least one post =). Here's a little list for those 0 interested people:
West
Reed College Portland, OR
St. Johns College Santa Fe, NM
Pomona College Claremont, CA
Occidental College Los Angeles, CA
Northeast
Bennington College - Bennington, VT
Hamilton College - Clinton, NY
Marlboro College Marlboro, VT
Midwest
Knox College - Galesburg, IL
Earlham College - Richmond, IN
Antioch College Yellow Springs, OH
Kenyon College - Gambier, OH
Oberlin College - Oberlin, OH
I'm mostly looking into the schools in the west as of now, especially Reed. Oh, and some advice for anyone that wants to research colleges, I used Princeton Review.com and Fiske's Guide to Colleges 2004, and by just basically cross-referencing the two, I was able to find some great schools.
So... I finish high school next Wednesday, only 4 more days of school. That's something ain't it... After that it's basically going to be 2 days of freedom, then I got my graduation party the following Saturday. Feel free to stop by, and if you want food just tell me beforehand, preferably this week, because we got catering and I need a number of people eating. The whole party is probably going to consist of me going around and chatting with the my extended family, family friends and neighbors, which I'm actually looking forward to because I really love all those people. There's only a few things for me that can top sitting around the firepit with all the drunk dads until 2 in the morning. But still, the party will probably be really boring for you guys. Free food though!
After that, I've got two straight weeks of college visits. I'm still planning the week after the party, but I think I'll be living on Monday and driving to all the Midwest colleges above, except Knox. They're all located so conveniently, lemme waste time drawing a bad map for you!
--------------- ------,,, ,,,........
| | ''''''''''''''' x |
| | Ohio |
| IN | x /
| x | x /
| / /
/ ____/ ''----....__ /
/..----'' '''
...Making those maps shouldn't be that fun.. Anyways, x marks the spot like any good pirate map. Which x represents which school I didn't bother with, but if you can't figure out the Indiana one you're a tool. A dirty dirty tool. Like a fucking... garden hoe... shiiiit...
So I take a week to go visit those 4 colleges, probably getting back Saturday or so. Then I leave on Monday and fly over to the West coast, where I visit all 4 Western Colleges, starting with Portland, then L.A., and finally Santa Fe. I get back on Friday. Then Saturday I think I'm going to Warped Tour, not sure though. Then I think I'm going back out that monday and either driving or flying to Vermont to see those two schools, and maybe any others I find in that area. So I get back Friday, and then I have the remaining three weeks to do all my college applications, get in shape for NOLS, and fit in whatever summer I can. Then I leave on August 25th for Colorado, and I won't be back until November 27th. Then I leave on December 3rd for Japan with my Dad, not getting back until the 12th. Then... winter vacation major time for me. I can't believe I've actually got a year scheduled like that. I'm done for now. I may update later. WEEEE!
**CRIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!** I spent so much time on that map. Damn you Live Journal. Damn you to the darkest place of hell!!
**One Last Edit** I just found out a few things. 1) Epinions.com has reviews of colleges, and they are really fucking helpful. 2) StudentsReview.com also has reviews and a ton of other useful things. Check both of those out when looking into colleges. Extremely helpful. Oh, and 3) As a joke, my dad gave my mom a small box for her birthday today that looked like it held something really fancy and expensive in it. After my mom freaked out thinking it was something really nice and saying how she never expected anything like this, she opened it to find a brand new Very Best of the Grateful Dead CD. My dad had bought it for himself 2 days before. It was awesome, because my mom had the saddest look on her face ever when she opened it and I found out that my dad was a Deadhead. Sweet. Oh, and for the oddly concerned among you, don't worry about my mom, my dad has another present for her. Not that you sickos. Eww. You all suck. |
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| Hoozleberries |
[Jun. 26th, 2004|11:38 am] |
| [ | How's That Spirit? |
| | Great, going to be tired though. | ] |
| [ | What's That Noise? |
| | Noeone! | ] |
After much thought, I have determined that last night was a good night. After several hours of bad bad times, people came back and slept at my house and we talked 'til about five. Great conversations, great times. Sorry Kelly, if you read this, for that whole big mess last night. Hope the rest of the night was better. Thanks again for having us. And I think I'll sit around for a few hours now. Sometimes bad vibes end up with good nights.... or boogie nights! Heehee. |
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